Red Lights: A Record of Life's Defining Moments

365 Days of Childhood in Photos - Day 1

This is Mikey's last year before he reaches the dreaded teenager status.  I want to mark it by posting a picture every day that displays his childhood.  Check back daily for our new picture.

Our first picture is of Mikey blowing out his 12 candles on his birthday cake (sorry for the quality as I used my phone because I couldn't find my camera)...

 

Happy Birthday Mikey!

 

Yesterday when you were young everything you needed done was done for you.

 

It's hard for me to believe that he is 12 years old.  It seems like just yesterday that I flew across the country to pick him up (he was adopted when he was 7 months old).  He was so little and tiny and needy.  Through the years I feel I have taken the time to cherish every smile and every accomplishment.  He has been my guide and my teacher probably more often than the other way around. 

 

"Go where you want to go... Be what you want to be..."

"If you ever turn around... you'll see me."

 

As you have gotten older I'm coming to realize that I've gone from walking in front of him to walking beside him and I can't help but feel that lately there have been times where I'm walking behind him. I find myself going to help or assist only to find that he has already done it. This is what I wanted for him. This is still what I want for him. But its not always easy. Yet I will do it because there is nothing that would make me happier than to have to look on from afar and see him standing on his own.

"In the end the only steps that matter are the ones that you take all by yourself..."

I often wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn't started the adoption process 12 years ago and I'm just so thankful that I did.  I look forward to watching many steps taken by himself from the sidelines in the year and years to come.

Happy Birthday to my most amazing son!

Its been a long time...

I fear I have once again been neglecting my personal blog.  After Mikey's ASD diagnosis, I planned to do some blogging about all the things that I was learning.  I can only say at the end of the day that this diagnosis has been a relief on so many fronts as it explains so many of the struggles that Mikey faces every day.  Although I had always leaned towards "autism techniques" I also know that I didn't go full-out and I wasn't always consistent.  With more consistency, life seems to be easier for him.

All the same, I have made a huge decision to move Mikey in to my classroom this fall. It was not an easy decision to make but middle school looming so closely in front of us put me in a place where I really had to decide what we wanted/needed to focus on for those years.  I will admit that I was also very overwhelmed thinking about Mikey trying to get around a large middle school.  Finally, I have concerns because of Mikey's limited abilities to transfer skills, that come with things being taught on too abstract of a level and although we could make those modifications to his progrma it just made more sense for him to be around other students who had the same modifications so that they could work togteher. So we are going to try this out and see how it goes.  I hope that I can get back to writing about all of this.

That is all for tonight.  I'm hoping to write more in the next day or two as Mikey and 11 celebrate our 11th Gotcha-day this week :).

DS-ASD Diagnosis

This past week, Mikey was officially diagnosed with DS+ASD (Down Syndrome plus Autism Spectrum Disorder).  Although it was initially a bit of a blow, it is also a relief to get this diagnosis as it makes some of the things that Mikey faces every day "make sense".  It also gives us all more information about him and will allow us to set a clearer path to getting him to the fullest, happiest life that he can live :).

I am learning much about this diagnosis right now. One thing that I'm discovering is that DS-ASD is different from DS and also different from ASD. I don't have a lot of add right now but wanted to say that over the next little bit I plan to put together some information posts about this diagnosis - partially as a way to cope but also as a way to compile some information for others who have dealt with the same diagnosis. 

Sitting on the edge of a possible change...

So yesterday while Mikey was in gymnastics class, I was out attending some open houses.  I have been toying with the idea of moving out of the small town that is really close to the city I work in and in to that city for a variety of reasons.  One being that I'm feeling like I might rather have a home and yard of my own as right now I'm living in a townhouse condo.  Although I love my home, I'm starting to want the freedom of not dealing with a condo board (and being on a condo board as I've held an executive position fr some time now).  I also am finding that although our little town is close to the city I work in, it is not the same as being in the city that I work in.  Finally, I'm looking at all of Mikey's school options for the future and one of the options that I think will work for him long-term is the public school system in the city. We do not currently fall in to the boundaries of that school division where we live now.

So... given that all things in my life have worked out just the way they are supposed to... I have decided that I might pursue this.  If everything falls in to place then it is meant to be.  If we end up staying here in this home that I really love then that is okay too. 

Today I will be looking at a couple of more houses and then am hoping to look at a couple more tomorrow.  From there I will get my house ready to list and hopefully be able to list it later this week (as well as make a conditional offer on a house) and see where things go from there. 

It is possible that my spring cleaning this year will be a bit heavier than its been for the last couple of years ;).

Wish me luck....

Be the change...

"Be the change you want to see!"

Last year I had the first three of my students graduate from our program and move on to "adult services" in our area.  In the couple of years leading up to that while trying to ensure transition plans were in place I came to realize that his area offers very little for adults from this population.  At the time I started thinking that perhaps Mikey and I will have to move at some point as he gets closer to adulthood to a place that has more to offer.

Last night as I lay in my bed a little seed of an idea has been planted. I am wondering if I can't start up a non-profit organization at some point in the next few years.  I would buy us a little acerage close to the city and then set up the house to be able to have 3 or 4 adult residents (with disabilities) who pay rent and are provided with 24 hour care (would need to staff the place but funding structures in our province should allow it).  Then run some sort of "business" from the farm that both the residents and perhaps long term other people could participate in.  Ideas that I had included:

Running a dog kennel

Breading and selling dogs

Making home-made pet treats (we are currnetly doing one kind of dog biscuit in my classroom and sales are going great)

Doing a garden and/or a green house and selling home-grown produce in local grocery stores and/or farmers markets

Having a little cafe for people to have coffee in (be it people with disabilities or those who are coming out for services)

Boarding horses (perhaps even finding somone who wants to set up a theraputic riding place and running it off of our farm

Running a tree nursery (planting and selling trees - long term investment)

Running a flower shop?

This is all brainstorming right now but the not-for-profit organization would intially just serve a handful of young adults with disabilities in a residential capacity but then expand out to include vocational and recreation programming.  Long term we would have both people who lived on the farm and those who came out to work on the farm.  There are a million ways that things could go from there really depending on the clients we were serving and the staff that were involved in the organization.

So my plans for the summer are to start to look in to some the organizations in this area and gather information. 

The other benefit of this plan would be that I could potentially be securing Mikey's future and security even after I'm gone.

It makes me wonder if perhaps nothing has moved on the adoption front becuase this is meant to be my "baby" rather than a baby that I adopt.

Happy 11th Birthday Mikey

Wow... eleven years old!  Where does the time go?  We just got back from our annual birthday trip to Calgary.  We always stay in a hotel and then hit Build-a-Bear.  I question each year if this will be the year if you decide that you are now too old for Build-a-Bear.  But each year we go in there and your eyes light up and run around the store looking for the perfect bear, with the perfect sound and the perfect outfit.  And each year you found it.  This year's treasure is a frog with a button down shirt and sweater vest.  Once we bgot back to the hotel, your frog even got a personal concert as you played songs for him on the keyboard that grandma and grandpa got you for Christmas.

The other part of your birthday present made me both sad and excited.  You were thrilled to see and play with your new D.S.  There are a few more wrapped games waiting for you this morning whenever you decide to get up.  It was odd to be given you such "grown up" toys and then watching you get so engrossed in the toy.  It begs the question over and over of where has my baby gone.

You are becoming such a determined, funny "tween" just as you were a determined, funny child.  When I think back to where you were a year ago it is amazing to me how much you continue to grow and mature.  I'm excited, scared, happy, nervous and sad all at once.  I want so much to stay in this moment with you but with your rapid growth I often find myself caught up in making sure that we are doing everything right to ensure that you have the best future that you can have.  And the moment gets lost and suddenly I look at you and realize how much you have changed since the last moment that I really stopped and celebrated with you.

And so my vow to you this year is to now lose any of the precious moments of your life.  To regularly take the time to just be with you.  To find a balance between looking to the future and living in the now.  Part of that process is to continue to come back to this blog to have a way to celebrate and remember and someday share these memories with you.

I love you my dear wonderful son.  You are my life's greatest blessing.  Happy 11th Birthday to you :).

Thankful Thursday

As we move through our last day of this decade, I am overcome with all that has changed since teh beginning of the decade.  At that point I had only had Mikey home for a handful of months and was working part time as we went through the transition process.  Life has changed so much... and thus I write my last "Thankful Ten" for this decade...

1. For Mikey.  He has been the center of my world through this decade.  It has been an honour to watch him grow and change and learn.
2. For my job.  I always enjoyed teaching but I have discovered my true passion in these past 3.5 years.  I so enjoy going to work every day.
3. For mine and my family's health.  Dad's heart attack a few years ago reminded us all of how fragile life can be.  I'm thankful for our current state of health.
4. For the friends that I have.  I have found never-ending support and good times with so many this decade.  I'm thankful.
5. For the challenges that I face - weather they be related to Mikey, related to work or just personal challenges.  It is in these times that I'm learning and growing the most and, although frustrating in the middle of it, I know from past experiences (in the 90s) that these will become part of the person that I am.
6. For our home.  I love it.  Its funny to think that at the beginning of this decade I was still renting an apartment in a four-plex :).
7. For a God that is always watching out for and guiding me.  I'm humbled by the path that He has created in my life.
8. For sleep... because how can you not be thankful for it?  Really though because late in the 90s I was having such a hard time with insomia.  It is amazing how that has changed... my eyes are sometimes closed before my head hits my pillow.
9. For this moment that we are in right now!  Enough said :).
10. For the dreams of the future... weather it be watching Mikey grow up, seeing where my classroom goes in the years to come or the potential of another family member... there is still so much ahead of us and I'm so excied to see where it goes.

To anyone reading... I wish for each of you a life full of blessings and wonder.  Have a wonderful time celebrating the old and bringing in the new today :).

"One Toy In... One Toy Out"

Its a philosophy that I've tied to live for many years now as I always find that Mikey's toys get so piled up. Sometimes, though, when I bring in a new toy its hard to find something that he has stopped playing with and we end up stockpiling things.

At about 3 a.m. this morning I woke up as I had to go bathroom.  I laid back down in my bed but could not sleep as I felt Mikey's toy room calling me.  Tomorrow is Christmas and we are going to be adding a bunch of new toys and I had not gotten around to going through his toys and deciding what should go.  In all honesty, I have been putting it off because this year I knew it would be too easy to find the toys that he is no longer playing with.

Somewhere between last Christmas and this  year, Mikey's tastes in toys that he plays with have changed.  He prefers the Wii to the Little People, real cooking in the kitchen to his play kitchen and toys, puzzles over simple button toys, remote control cars over matchbox cars...etc.  Thankfully he still plays... but there were so many things that I was able to pack away.  I moved the playroom around to allow more space to play the Wii as so many of the large toys were removed.

Mikey woke up this morning and was THRILLED with the changes.  I'm sure he will be even more excited when we fill the space that I created with his new drum set.  Its always wonderful to watch and be a part of his reactions but this year I'm feeling like I've lost my baby.

I think back to the title of this blog and the time we spend at red lights and I find myself wondering if I stayed long enough at the red lights or if perhaps I got lost in th business of the world and became impatient for the green lights again.  Have I lived the lessons that Mikey was meant to teach me?  Do I need to refocus?  Lots of questions these days...

Suddenly its almost Christmas time...

Where has the time gone?  I can't believe that I have posted here since the beginning of the school year.  I can't believe that the past 3.5 months have passed so quickly. 

We have both had a busy start to our school year.  A new learning assistant was assigned to Mikey early in the year and he has spent some time re-establishing things since then.  Things are settling in nicely now but it has been busy.  I also had some major transitions to my classroom in that I got a new student in September and another new one at the beginning of November.  They are both wonderful students but transitioning students in is always busy and sometimes overwhelming and so my time has been quite limited.

Other happenings in our world at this time:

Still no news on the adoption front.  I have always been of the approach of what is meant to be will be.  I'm starting to wonder if another child is meant to be a part of our family.  I will continue to pray about it and see what happens.  Right now life seems busy and full... although I also know that I would find time and space for another child.

I continue to pursue an answer on the autism front with Mikey and am feeling that we are getting closer to having an definitive answer.  We have just had an initial meeting with a private doctor who will do some testing with Mikey and then we will come up with a set answer as to if we should proceed with things or not.

My quest to a healthy weight journey is plugging along.  I have been on a platue for a bit now but have already lost 49.5 pounds and am feeling so much better.  I am still planning to reach my goal of a 100 pounds lost by the end of the school year.  This means that I need to get back on track... and back on my treadmill to get things moving!

we have no big plans for Christmas.  Just relaxing and spending some time with family and friends.  We will also be celebrating Mikey's 11th birthday.  Its hard to believe that he is getting so close to becoming a teenager. 

One other piece of good news we have recieved recently is that our school division will be moving the grade 6s back to the elementary schools this fall so Mikey will not yet have to transition to Middle School after this year.  I'm happy about this as he still seems to need the small protected envirornment that is his current elementary school :).